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Real Mama Talk: Are You Living In The Rear View Mirror?

Editor's Corner

Real Mama Talk: Are You Living In The Rear View Mirror?

Brooke-Sidney Harbour

[Video Transcript]

Hey. Welcome you guys. I am getting on today to talk about whether we are living in the past, living in the moment, or are we living in our rearview mirror? So, are we living in the past like in our rearview mirror? Or are we living in the present which is honestly where all of our power is?

For those of you that are new to me, hello, my name is Brooke-Sidney.  I'm the owner of a company called Bella and the Babe which is all about empowering authentic and mindful motherhood.

Basically, what I do is, I help tired and overwhelmed moms love their lives, find more me time, and then have a moment to say thank you. So, I'm here to do that today. I'm here to talk about a personal story. It's a very personal story.  I thought that it would help at least someone understand the value of living in the present.

Oh No, My Car Is In The Shop

For those of you that are watching me on my Instagram stories, you will have a little window into what's going on in my life at this moment. My beloved car is in the shop. I make jokes, but seriously though, I am truly attached to my car. I know I'm not the only mama out there that has the car with everything in it. Like I've got everything that I can prepare for the worst-case scenario. My son's toys, oh, my gosh the backseat is a mess. It needs to be cleaned out. Right now, the car is a freaking mess, but it's still my car and it is like a comfort zone. Anyway, to make a long story short about the car, I had to go get a loaner car so that my car could be serviced. If you're not following me on Instagram, please follow me @CaramelBella. It's all things me, my son, mindful mothering and all that stuff. My Instagram stories are really where I often share a lot about what's going on.  I had to go and pick up my loaner car so that my car can go into the shop.  I know you're wondering, why is their car in the shop?  What happened?

Tons of Co-Parenting Brings Up Emotions Around Divorce

Here's where it's kind of hard to share. But, I'm gonna be real and tell you guys the truth. Over the past two or so weekends I've had to do a lot of co-parenting. I mean a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. I mean in many respects to keep it totally 100, I've had to deal with my ex-husband, the father of my child, more than we interacted when we were married. What that has done for me, if I'm really honest and I'm being transparent, it's brought up ambivalence. It's brought up emotions.

I don't know if you've been through a divorce, but divorce is hard especially if you have children. And whether or not divorce was the right thing for you and your family, it still doesn't matter. It ends up still being hard. It is totally hard. It's a major change in your life. And it's been a major change in my life. And quite truthfully, what I thought my life would look like, that's not to say, that I don't love the life that I have now. And that I've not become better instead of bitter. If you heard me talk about that it still doesn't matter.

Life & Reflection Periods

At some points in our life, we'll have what I call like “reflection periods.”  I realized that I was living in this reflection period. I was rerunning some old stories. I was talking about just so much stuff that dealt with him that it was bringing up a lot of thoughts, ambivalence, and quite truthfully, some sadness and some grief because it was a loss. You know that is the truth of where I've been living probably for the past two weeks. Especially with my son's birthday and just so much going on, so much goodness going on. But then also, so much opportunity to look backwards like look at the past.

Rear View Mirror Gets Hit

Guess what happens on Saturday? I am driving to go grab something quickly to eat and someone literally hits my driver side rear mirror not enough to break it. The rearview mirror wasn't broken. I heard this sound and it definitely jostled me. I was like oh my goodness. And it was not bad enough where I was like, “Oh my god, my car is in a wreck!” But enough to be like, “Oh my gosh, I wonder how my rearview mirror is?” My rear view mirror kind of folded in on that side. Wow!

I get to my home. I look at the rear view mirror. It did what it was supposed to do – you know fold in. So, then I folded it out. It looked basically like it was untouched. And I was like hmm… the mirror is untouched. My car is basically undamaged. Even in that moment I realized a whole bunch of things, which is why I'm getting on. This is why I'm doing this live right now.

Old View Versus New View

The old me would have been really upset, maybe sad, frustrated, angry even. And honestly, justifiably so! Someone totally hit my rearview mirror. I was in my lane. And you know it's a side street. They totally came and hit that side mirror. And honestly, the cars were going so fast. I didn't even know who did it. I have no idea. The old me would have been upset, angry, maybe even fall into a little bit of the victim. Why is this happening to me? All of that. Instead, I had my moment. Don't get me wrong. Like oh dang! Like what in the world? Then, I quickly had a moment of gratitude, and that's kind of what I wanted to really nail home today.

Mindset of Living in the Present

It's how when we are living in the present and we're not living in the past, how our whole viewpoint changes. So, instead of being mad and angry and stuck and frustrated about my rearview mirror that just got tapped. Although it still required me enough to go to the shop but still tapped. I realized in that moment I had a choice. I had a choice on how I wanted to see it. I had a choice on how I wanted to feel about it. And I had a choice on what I wanted to do. Also, the story that I was going to tell myself. And I don't know about you but I always feel like especially when I get this kind of a message that it was like God, Spirit, universe - whatever it is for you. I’m totally getting tingles right now telling you. I felt like it was Spirit because in that moment I was plateful okay. I was grateful that it was just the rearview mirror right and not the whole car.

Grateful in the Moment

I live in LA. There are traffic accidents like people are eating you know breakfast and lunch like they're happening every moment. So, thank goodness it was my rearview mirror and not my entire car. I was very grateful that my son wasn't in the car. That could have scared the crap out of him. Or if it had been worse, he could have been harmed. I'm thankful that it wasn't really an accident. It wasn't really. I mean if so it's like a baby accident. It's so minor. I'm also thankful that my mirror bounced back, so it was no big-time damages. I know there are some damages because now it's not working exactly how it used to like fully motorized – doing all the you know the fancy, fancy, but it didn't fall off my car.  

Then, I have to also think, well goodness, I'm okay. I wasn't harmed.  I also wasn't scared. Sometimes getting into a crash or an accident, it's not even about what happens to your car, but it was about what happens to you mentally. You get shook. I know people now that hate to drive because of accidents. That wasn't me. None of that came my way. I was okay.

And then I knew, and this was such a benefit, that whatever went wrong I could afford to fix it. I realized this was spirit. That's how I'm choosing to see it - just giving me a small reminder. A small tap to stop looking in my rearview mirror, to stop looking in the past even if it's just reflecting. I've done enough.

I know that I'm in a good space. It's a reminder to keep looking ahead and to stay present to this ultra-beautiful life that I am so blessed to live. Gosh, I am so fortunate to live the life that I'm living and a reminder that this is a gift.

There's no point really to looking in the rearview mirror.  I mean, unless we need to, unless we're trying to quickly change lanes.  We need to understand where we've been, so we know where we're going. And I've done that. And that was a reminder you've done that. Brooke-Sidney, you've done it. And I know that being where I am right now is helping other women learn how to live in the present and learn how to live mindfully. And this is my work. All of these things that have happened in my life, in that rearview mirror, to bring me to this present moment which I am totally grateful for.

Questions To Ask Yourself

But, on the flip side mamas. I really want to know. Are you living in the present? Or are you living in the past?  Are you living in your rear view mirror? Are you still like what do they call it? What is it called? Quarterbacking or whatever? like your figuring all that's happened right now because you have the hindsight of seeing what happened behind you. Are you doing that? Or are you living in the moment?

Learning Through Mindfulness

And you know I've learned a lot through my mindfulness practice, my mindfulness teaching, obviously through my meditation, through prayer and journaling. I have learned how to love myself better so that I can love my life. So, that I can see these benefits. See these things that happen to me. These things that could have been like a huge bump and a huge pothole are now like bumps in the road. I'm showing up for myself and I'm not dwelling in the past. But you can do that too. You can do that too!

And I'm here to tell you that this thinking and this mindfulness didn't happen overnight. And I think a lot of us are really kidding ourselves to think that we are actually viewing our lives that way. And when our lives in front of us don't look the way that we think that they do. And I'm saying that with all sincerity and love because this kind of thinking and mindfulness, it didn't happen for me overnight. It is taken work. It has taken time. It has taken support. It has taken others. I just want you to know it's all possible.

And even with this crazy rearview mirror situation that happened to me, life is good. It's beautiful. And I'm here right now in the moment. And I'm also here showing up today to tell you that you can feel this way too. When crappy things happen, you can feel this way too. You'll also be able to see.  Wow!  I know why this happened. Or I feel like I know why it happened. And either way, it's perfect because the story only matters to you. 

We can change our lives. We can change the way we think. And we can find more time. We can love this motherhood journey that we're on. And we can always be ourselves. We can regather it if we feel like we've lost it. We can be ourselves. We just need a little mindfulness, help and support.  I've got you, I've totally got you.

Next Steps: Join My Mindful Mama Community

If you're not a member of my mama community, come and join. That's where I'm giving all the tips on mindfulness, ways to find more time, especially for Mama time and self-care. We're talking about gratitude. We just came off the gratitude challenge and so much more. Join us. The link is in the notes.

And then if you're looking for more personalized and customized support or attention? Or you really want to make this your mindfulness year? You really want to shift things in your life? Feel more happiness, and abundance?  Check in with me. I've got Mindful Mama Sessions and it's bit.ly/bbmindfulmama. I'd love for you to join me either way. Let's connect.

I'd love to keep talking about whether we are living in the past or we’re fully in the present. Have a wonderful Thursday. Today is thankful Thursday. And I have so much to be thankful for and so do you. Talk to you soon


DON'T FORGET TO GRAB YOUR 2018 MAMA LOVE PLANNER

For the past three years, the Mama Love Planner has supported mamas and mamas-to-be in developing and implementing self-care goals, as well as creating and sustaining a daily gratitude practice. Each planner - daily or weekly version - gives a gentle daily reminder to write down at least 3 things you are grateful for. This gratitude journal, self-care tool and planner are designed to help mamas have lives filled with more joy, appreciation and self-care! For more information, check out the video below or learn more about the Daily and Weekly versions!